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Heaven – God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Ghost met yesterday behind closed doors and decided that Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia is no longer forgiven. All of her sins that Jesus died for are now “back on her.”

She doesn’t want student loans to be forgiven? Guess what? I’m doing unto her as she would do unto others.

Jesus

The edict by the Trinity effectively carves out a special place in the previous Jesus died for everyone’s sins policy. The new rule is Jesus died for everyone’s sins except for Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Greene must now bear the burden of all the sin she’s accrued over the years as well as the original sin she inherited from Adam and Eve.

Given the unprecedented nature of the situation, theologians and scholars are not entirely certain how Greene should proceed. Some think she should adopt the Old Testament Covenant and start sacrificing lambs. Others believe she should take a vow of silence and make things easier for the rest of us.

Sources close to the Trinity say they decided on this radical course of action after reading this tweet from the White House and watching the video.

Archangel Michael was present when the Three-Who-Are-One made the decision. “God the Father wanted to smite her, of course,” the archangel said. “The Holy Ghose was silent, and that’s no surprise because we haven’t heard from Him in centuries. It was Jesus’ idea to remove His grace. I told them I thought it would be a baller move.”

Former President Donald J. Trump made a public statement saying he supports Greene and God. While he understands there are serious issues to work out, the 45th President of the United States is offering himself as a mediator and perhaps a deal could be worked out. Archangel Michael, official spokesangel in this matter, states that Heaven doesn’t negotiate with “crimatraitors.”

In related news, this Mississippi town passed a law mandating a 30-day waiting period for gay sex.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...