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The $100 million He Get’s Us ad campaign was meant to bring millions to Jesus Christ. Instead, it has inadvertently given the Messiah human papillomavirus — HPV.

Friendly Atheist Hemant Metha reported on the He Get’s Us advertising drive. It was meant to bring people who are interested in Christianity to the Savior. Most of Generation Z are turned off of the faith due to evangelical Republicans fighting against women’s reproductive rights, LGBTQ rights, and the GOP’s odd fascination with fascism.

Not only did Jesus contract HPV, but He gave it to millions.

Professor Andrew Canard

He Gets Us was supposed to make Jesus more relatable to young people. And in a way it did. New Christians heard Jesus knocking at the door to their hearts and let the Lord in. However, no one suspected such an intimate relationship would give Him a sexually transmitted disease (STD).

Professor Andrew Canard is an expert on public health. He believes it was only a matter of time before something like this would happen. “HPV is the most common STD. About 80 million Americans have it. The virus is very transmissible. It leads one to wonder why Jesus didn’t wear protection.”

Christians who contracted HPV through Jesus are wondering why didn’t God the Father simply cure his one and only son. And for that matter, if He is all-knowing why didn’t He see this coming and do something about it? Was it God’s plan to give Jesus herpes?

Priests, ministers, and theologians are wrestling with those questions. Some point out that since God the Father didn’t prevent Jesus from being tortured and crucified, then why would he cure him of HPV? Other holy men point out God has mysterious ways, and who are we to question them? Of course, many evangelical leaders are responding to the crisis by attacking drag queens.

“The enemy is not Jesus and His divine herpes,” said Pastor Steven Anderson, “it’s those sinful, provocative, and mouth-watering sexy drag queens who want to teach your kids how to read.”

In related news, Tim Allen’s and Bill Cosby’s comedy tour is canceled.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...