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New York City – Citing deeply held religious beliefs, Dr. Isaac Katz refused to operate on Pastor Michael Hall. Pastor Hall is Lutheran and has been serving his flock faithfully for the last 25 years.

Pastor Hall was rushed to City Hospital at 10 pm Saturday night complaining of chest pains and pain in his left arm. Upon entry staff on duty quickly found that parts of his heart were not receiving oxygenated blood. The patient reported having a history of high cholesterol. Recently, his primary care physician had told him, “You are two slices of cheesecake away from having a major coronary event.”

Relying on the miraculous healing power of Jesus, Pastor Hall visited the Cheesecake Factory just before being rushed to the hospital.

The man of God needed surgery immediately. Dr. Isaac Katz is an accomplished heart surgeon. He has reportedly completed scores of the procedures Pastor Hall required. The patient needed to have the clogged artery opened and a stent implanted to keep it open.

Dr. Katz entered the operating room ready to save a life. However, after hearing his patient was a Luthern pastor the surgeon took off his medical gloves and said, “Martin Luther was the godfather of the Holocaust. I can’t operate on one of his followers.”

Not wishing to infringe on Dr. Katz’s religious liberty the hospital called in a veterinarian from the Brooklyn Zoo. Dr. Andrew Canard arrived 45 minutes later armed with an anatomy and physiology textbook and a whole lot of hope.

It should be noted it was an anatomy and physiology textbook for humans.

News of the odd happenings leaked out to the press, and soon City Hospital was swarmed with reporters wanting to see Dr. Katz, the brave veterinarian Dr. Canard, and at some point Pastor Hall.

Dr. Katz was only too happy to discuss Judaism, bigotry, and Martin Luther:

Martin Luther and Mohammed share something in common. Both men had high expectation for Jews that didn’t pan out. In both cases, Jews didn’t suddenly give up Judaism and join up with people who misinterpreted the Tanakh. Luther felt so strongly he penned a book on the topic The Jews and their Lies.

At this point, he pulled out his phone, found the relevant information online and proceeded to quote from the tome.

First to set fire to their synagogues or schools and to bury and cover with dirt whatever will not burn, so that no man will ever again see a stone or cinder of them. This is to be done in honor of our Lord and of Christendom, so that God might see that we are Christians, and do not condone or knowingly tolerate such public lying, cursing, and blaspheming of his Son and of his Christians. For whatever we tolerated in the past unknowingly ­ and I myself was unaware of it ­ will be pardoned by God. But if we, now that we are informed, were to protect and shield such a house for the Jews, existing right before our very nose, in which they lie about, blaspheme, curse, vilify, and defame Christ and us (as was heard above), it would be the same as if we were doing all this and even worse ourselves, as we very well know.

Second, I advise that their houses also be razed and destroyed. For they pursue in them the same aims as in their synagogues. Instead they might be lodged under a roof or in a barn, like the gypsies. This will bring home to them that they are not masters in our country, as they boast, but that they are living in exile and in captivity, as they incessantly wail and lament about us before God.

Third, I advise that all their prayer books and Talmudic writings, in which such idolatry, lies, cursing and blasphemy are taught, be taken from them.

Dr. Katz went on to say that anyone who followed Martin Luther needed a neurologist.

Hospital officials are supporting Dr. Katz. In a written statement City Hospital announced it “needs to respect the religious beliefs of its employees,” and pointed out “alternative care was given to Pastor Hall.”

Dr. Canard completed the surgery successfully. He chatted with reporters afterward:

It was touch and go for a while. I did a similar procedure on a panda bear a few years ago. Yes, panda bear cardiovascular systems are different from ours, but I swear by my freshman year anatomy and physiology book. As long as Pastor Hall doesn’t eat too much bamboo over the next few days, he’ll be fine.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...