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Washington DC –  President Joe Biden’s predecessor was many things: a crook, a racist, a misogynist, and a fascist. What Donald Trump wasn’t was smart. Trump’s policies lacked coherency. They only way they succeeded was to make the COVID-19 crisis worse and divide the country more than it’s been since the Civil War.

Joe Biden is turning the executive branch around. His appointments consist of seasoned professionals who know how to do their jobs. His policies are based on evidence and not hopes and prayers. In keeping with the spirit of intelligent government, Joe Biden is giving the White House a smart house makeover.

The White House, Smart House Makeover

Smart house technology has taken off in recent years. By using your smartphone or even your voice, you can control vital functions around the home. Want to lower the thermostat? Just say the word. Are you watching TV and you forgot you have clothes in the dryer? Well, that dryer is connected to the television via the Internet and you’ll get a message the dryer completed its cycle while you’re watching NCIS. Did the doorbell just ring and you want to make sure it’s not Jehovah’s Witnesses? Check the app on your phone and your smart doorbell will show you who’s waiting.

President Biden is taking matters into his own hands. He’s knows what’s what with tech and he’s personally choosing the gadgets that will make the White House into a WOW house.

Joe Biden’s Top Home Tech Pics

The Clapper The Clapper is the iconic tech from 1984 that turns off electrical devices with the clapping of hands. “Why do I want to talk to my devices when I can clap? Clapping is fun!” President Biden said.

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The Egg Pod Microwave Egg Cooker Who doesn’t want to make soft OR hard boiled eggs in the microwave? With this modern marvel White House Aides won’t have to boil water for the perfect presidential treat.

Piggy Pop You may think you know Joe Biden, but did you know he loves miniature pigs in a blanket that look like little piggies? Look out, future! Here comes Joe Biden!

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Has Smart House Tech Gone Too Far?

Experts admit having every device in your home connected to the Internet may not be a good idea. Professor Andrew Canard teaches Dystopian Technology at Miskatonic University. However, he believes there’s nothing to worry about.

“Look, it’s too late to be worried. The Russians already know all your passwords. Does it matter if they get the inside information about what brand of milk you buy or when you’re ordering napkins?” he said.

He also noted clapper tech is immune too hacking. Piggy Pops are another matter altogether.

In related news, Melania Trump gets kicked off a social media platform.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...

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