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“Who would’ve guessed the police were the bad guys in First Blood?”

Hollywood – The multitalented Jordan Peele is remaking the classic 1982 movie First Blood. The original movie first showed the world the character John Rambo, played by Sylvester Stallone.

Writer/director Peele believes this is the moment for a movie depicting an out of control police department attacking an innocent veteran. Being a fan of the original, he doesn’t need to change too much. However, there is one small difference.

John Rambo is going to be black.

“Did you know there is a chokehold scene in First Blood?” Peele mentioned casually. “Oh, yeah, we’re definitely keeping that!”

First Blood was the first of the movies featuring John Rambo. Unlike the subsequent films which were simple orgies of violence with little to no redeeming qualities, First Blood had a message. And that message was F**k the police.

First Blood opens with Vietnam Vet John Rambo finding out a friend died from cancer caused by Agent Orange – a pesticide the military used to defoliate areas of the jungle. Rambo then walks into a small town where he is hassled by the local sheriff. Law enforcement has several chances to de-escalate the situation but decides to bring out the military hardware instead. Rambo then successfully wages a guerrilla war against the police and National Guard.

“I don’t know why no one has done this before,” Peele reflected. “Oh, I know. White fragility. Guess what? I’m Jordan Peele and I can throw all sorts of money into this movie without anyone else’s financial help.”

Though planning is still in the early stages, Michael B. Jordan has agreed to play John Rambo. Moviegoers may remember the actor from his portrayal as Killmonger in Black Panther.

Anonymous sources close to Peele believe he is making small changes to the original movie. For example, one Karen is to say, “If he only followed the law, then he wouldn’t be in so much trouble.”

In related news, white nationalists are remaking Black Panther with an all-white cast.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...

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