Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas returned to his Washington DC residence and was shocked to find a squad of 10 soldiers living there.
Ginni Thomas, Justice Thomas’ wife, informed him the infantrymen arrived several hours earlier. Army Specialist Andrew Canard obtained entry by circumventing the security system.
After gaining access to the residence they set up a command center in the living room and decided where they were going to sleep. They chose the master bedroom, guest bedroom, and guest house, leaving the Thomas’ the rumpus room in the basement.
“When I arrived home from the MAGA event, I was quite surprised,” Ginni Thomas confided to reporters. “But the paperwork was in order, so what could I do?”
Her husband was less understanding.
He immediately ordered the young men out of his home and called law enforcement. From the police report, he called the interlopers “scoundrels” and “Democrats.”
It took 45 minutes for Ginni to explain to her husband that quartering soldiers in private residences is now 100% perfectly legal. The recent SCOTUS decision in Carson v Markin effectively nullifies the Third Amendment of the US Constitution.
She then had to explain what the Third Amendment actually says.
Eventually, Justice Thomas admitted that maybe the conservative court had gone a little too far in destroying the liberties guaranteed to citizens under the US Constitution.
“You start off wanting to control women’s bodies and promoting Christianity, and you end up with soldiers sleeping in your own waterbed,” he sighed as he prepared the cot downstairs.
In related news, Florida to teach ‘crucifractions’ in public schools.