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Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene is in the midst of a very public divorce, but that isn’t stopping her from telling the world — and her legions of male MAGA fans — that her love language is none other than Donald J. Trump. She insists anyone who wants to “get with her” needs to channel the five love languages via the 45th President of the United States.

Wanna be my lover? Then you gotta get with my Trump!

Marjorie Taylor Greene

Representative Greene made the comment responding to her dating profile crashing the Christian hookup site Christian Kasual. The site reportedly has 3 million active users who seek to have sexual experiences with total strangers who are followers of Christ. It could not handle the amount of traffic she caused by legions of people swiping left.

Love languages are oftentimes mocked and ridiculed by comedians, satirists, and humorists as just another way to sell books to gullible readers. However, that is definitely not the case. The idea was popularized by author Gary Chapman’s 1992 book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Chapman graduated from Moody Bible College with a BA and later obtained a Doctor of Philosophy from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. With such prestigious academic credentials, it is completely impossible that love languages are bunk.

There are five love languages Chapman discovered and they are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. He asserts everyone has one love language they absolutely love and one they kinda feel “meh” about. The trick is to figure out your partner’s love language and then buy follow-up books like 5 Apology Languages, The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, and The 5 Love Languages Military Edition.

Representative Greene insists she discovered the final boss of all the 5 languages — former President Donald J. Trump. “Do you want to apologize language someone? You should just call them a loser. And if you’re looking for the 6th language of appreciation in the workplace then just say, ‘You’re fired!'” Greene said.

Jonathan Lichtman is the sex guru Greene cheated on her husband with. Guru Lichtman reports that he had to up his Trump game in the bedroom in order to please her. While some may think her fetish to be a bit odd, Lichtman said the Trump mask did not impede his performance one bit.

In related news, Elon Musk reports he has the bedbug problem at Twitter headquarters under control.


Trump and Greene mask picture is courtesy of Unsplash.com.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...