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Washington DC- Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene went on the record today and warned parents of the evils posed by foreign languages. At a hastily called press conference, she told reporters that students are being “groomed” by teachers’ unions to “open the gates at the border and let in a tidal wave of immigrants.” Greene urged her compatriots in the House and Senate to push a bill she is sponsoring, American Language Great Again (ALGA).

First they came for our language. Then they will come for Jesus. And then we will have no country left to give to future generations.

Marjorie Taylor Greene

American Language Great Again Bill

While Democrats are working to ensure all citizens get the right to vote and protecting the rights of minorities, GOP cheerleader Greene is going all-in on her out-of-control culture war. With the support of the House QAnon Caucus, she crafted a bill designed to purge foreign language instruction out of public primary schools as well as colleges.

On closer inspection, the bill goes much further than just booting all other languages than “American” from schools.

  • English classes are canceled and replaced with American.
  • Algebra is to be renamed Freedom Math.
  • Dora the Explorer can no longer teach young children non-American.
  • Taco Bell needs to rebrand to Foldy Sandwich Hut.

Do Conservatives Think Marjorie Greene Has Gone Too Far?

No.

Even as liberals attack her for not knowing American isn’t a language, Trump loyalists are applauding her. FOX News personality Tucker Carlson believes the country “could use a lot less fake news in Spanish and needs more of the real deal from her.” Conservatives on social media are pushing conspiracy theories that the original language of humanity is, in fact, American. The thinking is that before the biblical Tower of Babel was smashed by God everyone spoke American. It was mankind’s devotion to vertical structures that made the LORD make everyone speak non-American.

“Instead of teaching kids fake news like slavery, the internment of Japanese Americans, and the Trail of Tears we should be learning them Bible truth,” said one anonymous evangelical twit on Twitter.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi reassured the nation that there is no way Greene could pass  American Language Great Again since Democrats control both chambers of the legislature. She warned that could all change soon if the GOP picks up enough seats in the midyear election.

In related news, scientists find the anti-Christ center in the brain.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...