Milkgate! A crisis in dairy.
Melania Trump was arrested by United States border agents in the darkness of the early morning. The First Lady of the United States (FLOTUS) sought refuge in Canada from an increasingly abusive relationship with the President of the United States, Donald J. Trump.
Border Security Spokesperson Andrew Canard told reporters FLOTUS drove to a checkpoint at approximately 2:25 am and attempted to pass herself off as “a professional cleaning woman named Juanita Ramos.” Ms. Ramos stated she sought entry into Canada for a trip “to visit ice.”
“Border security agents immediately saw through the poor makeup job on Mrs. Trump,” Canard stated. “She was carrying the passport of one of her maids.”
Initial reports state FLOTUS manipulated Ms. Ramos into “borrowing” the passport for a few days. Ms. Ramos’ lawyer states she understood what was going on and wanted to help a poor soul escape the clutches of the Trump criminal cartel.
Political pundits believe FLOTUS’s freedom will be curtailed even more than it was in the past. How exactly she got the GPS tracking ankle bracelet off is still a mystery.
White House officials won’t say whether or not Mrs. Trump will be microchipped, although anonymous sources believe it’s highly likely.
In related news, Nambia withdraws from Covfefe Agreement.