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Former First Lady Melania Trump reached out to her supporters to sign an online petition demanding the site OnlyFans stop its upcoming policy to ban sexually explicit videos. She emplored her millions of followers on Twitter, Instagram, and OnlyFans to do so immediately since the change is supposed to start in October.

Melania’s Tweet For Help

A desperate Melania sent this tweet recently:

OnlyFans provides Melania with many opportunities to entertain you. If it stops with the sexy videos, then what will happen to me? No money for Melania!

Many expressed confusion. Is the former First Lady currently on OnlyFans? Is she making adult content on the platform?

Melania’s Sexy History

Melania’s relationship with the site was first reported by Patheos. Fearing financial ruin due to the many lawsuits against her husband, she felt the need to return to modeling.

Sources say Melania contacted her old agent Baris Badenov. The two chatted for hours, but the news wasn’t reassuring. Even with her level of fame, it’s unlikely she will obtain the income she needs for her and her son to continue in a lifestyle they’ve grown accustomed to. That’s when she learned about OnlyFans.

OnlyFans is a site that started in 2016. The British based business allows content creators to connect with fans. These fans pay for the privilege of getting special pics, videos, and live chats just for them. Many sex workers find OnlyFans to be a valuable way of earning money.

Professor Canard teaches the Sociology of Sex Workers at Prevaricator University. He states OnlyFans is a way for Melania Trump to get the cold cash she wants. “There are plenty of creepy old Republican men with deep pockets who want to see her naked,” he noted. “Heck, she doesn’t even need to marry one to get their money.”

Melania’s agent says her content on the site will be tasteful. That being said, her supporters can expect to get sexy experiences they will never forget.

Mrs. Trump’s Future

Professor Andrew Canard teaches at Miskatonic University and studies Republican personality disorders. He believes Mrs. Trump will find a way to grift money out of her followers regardless of OnlyFan’s policy changes. “Don’t cry for Melania,” he said. “She’ll be selling crap on QVC any day now.”

In related news, Andrew Cuomo becomes a Republican.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...

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