London, England – Military Intelligence, Section 6 (MI6), the United Kingdom’s intelligence agency assigned to deal with international threats, discovered former Donald Trump’s plan to crash Queen Elizabeth’s funeral.
We are ready to use all the tools at our disposal to keep Trump from crashing the funeral.
UK’s Chief of the Secret Intelligence Service
Queen Elizabeth ruled for 70 years and died on Thursday, September 8th. Her body is now lying in state at Westminster Hall. The funeral is being held on September 19th, at Westminster Abbey.
Heads of state from around the world will be attending her funeral. President Joe Biden and First Lady Jill Biden received invitations and will be there. However, one name that is not on the invitation list is former US President Donald J. Trump.
Why is Trump being snubbed? Some believe the reason is that he made the Queen wait 10 minutes for him during one of his visits.
Sources in MI6 state they’ve watched Trump for some time. His dossier is extensive. From his love of fast food to cheating on his wife with a porn star, the secret agents compiled the most extensive file on a US President since Richard Nixon. And one thing is clear. Donald J. Trump can not tolerate being snubbed.
Sir Andrew Canard is Chief of the Secret Intelligence Service. He can not speak openly about how the agency acquired the information about Trump’s plan to crash the funeral. What he can say is that Westminster Abbey recently refused a rather large “funeral cake” sent to them from Mar-a-Lago, Florida. Was Trump secretly hiding in the ridiculously large confection? The answer is a definite yes.
“I have put the team on high alert against Trojan Cakes, Trojan Horses, Trojan Rabbits, and even Trojan Badgers,” Sir Canard said. “There is no way that man is going to attend the event.”
Pundits are not that sure that the 45th President is going to be so easily deterred. There are rumors he plans to go “full Robin Williams” and try to infiltrate the royal funeral disguised as someone named Lady Mrs. Doubtfire.
Responding to the threat, MI6 is utlizing a sqaud of specially trained anti-Trump corgis. The corgis will protect the realm at any cost. To show how serious the situation is Pemberton and Welsh Corgis will be deployed.
US MAGA politicans are up in arms at their leader being insulted. Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene and Florida’s Matt Gaetz are calling for a boycott against bangers and mash. “Fish and chips will now be called fish and french fries like God wanted it to be in the first place!” Greene yelled during her visit to a 3rd grade classroom.
In related news, Florida changes ‘Homo sapiens’ in textbooks to ‘People sapiens.’