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MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell had doctors place him in a medical coma until Jesus Christ returns which he said, “Should be any day now.”

It appears the recent FBI raid on former President Trump’s residence at Mar-a-Lago scared the pillow magnate quite a bit. Once Lindell heard the FBI gained access to Trump’s safe, he decided a medical coma was the right option.

Medical comas can be initiated for a variety of legitimate reasons. For example, a patient may suffer a head injury in an accident, and health professionals place that person in an induced coma so that their brain cells can deal with the trauma.

Sources say many hospitals refused to place Mike Lindell in a medical coma since he had nothing physically wrong with him. “He wanted us to do it because he didn’t want to sin,” one anonymous doctor said. “He also mentioned that Jesus would rather have him in a coma than go to jail.”

The only facility that agreed to do the procedure was Mount Canard Hospital in Branson, Missouri. Founder, CEO, and Head of Doctoring Dr. Andrew Canard reports that he has many evangelical Christians in medical comas for faith-based reasons. “They know they’re going to sin one way or the other, even if they’re on their best behavior,” he said. “And since so many of them think Christ is coming back soon, why not take a long, long nap until the last trumpet sounds?”

Mount Canard Hospital refused to divulge how many faith-based coma patients they have. However, an entire locked door wing is named Jesus’ Sleeping Sheep.

When asked how much it costs for such a procedure, Dr. Canard laughed hysterically, “If you have to ask, you can’t afford it!”

In related news, megachurch ministers embezzle millions of thoughts and prayers

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...

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