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Senator McConnell’s Twitter account is gone, and he hasn’t been the same.


Senator Mitch McConnell’s twitter account, @Team_Mitch, reportedly ran away from home late last night. Area law enforcement received a call from the McConnell residence at 11:59 pm, starting the Twitter account was gone.

A quick investigation revealed the Twitter account had indeed fled. @Twitter_Mitch’s window was wide open. A makeshift rope made out of bedsheets apparently allowed the account to escape its second-story bedroom. @Team_Mitch’s backpack was missing along with items of clothing.

“It’s a classic case of Drapetomania,” said Detective Andrew Canard. “Sometimes people just get the urge to uncontrollably wander. There were periodic outbreaks in the antebellum South.”

An anonymous source provided a copy of the note left by @Team_Mitch. Here it is in its entirety:

I can’t stand it anymore, and I’m leaving. I’ve tried and tried and tried and tried and tried to make you happy, and what do I get? You use me to spread hate and division.

I understand you’re campaigning. Your senate seat means a lot to you, and people keep telling me politics is a dirty game. But did you have to use me for this?

You specifically placed Amy McGrath’s (you know, the person running against you) name on a gravestone. And when white supremacists are shooting up America, do you think that’s a message Jesus would tweet?

I’m sooooo out of here.

At this time there are no leads to where @Team_Mitch may have run off to. Friends of the Twitter account were questioned, but no one is saying anything to the police.

Senator McConnell’s campaign officially stated this incident shows just how much Twitter is prejudiced against racists.

Twitter hasn’t responded to the situation.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...