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Elon Musk is banning millions of Twitter users because they are throwing Twitter dumpster fire parties. The celebrations range from black-tie galas catering to the rich and powerful to small get-togethers where close friends huddle around the social media platform’s flames. As soon as partiers upload their festive photos and videos, they are the recipients of the ban hammer.

But what started this hot new trend of partying at the expense of Musk?

It has everything to do with the alt-right billionaire’s insistence on shooting himself in the twik time after time after time. His latest shot in the genitals may be a mortal one. He asked the Twitteratti whether or not he should step down as CEO. And even though many fans of the man who was forced to buy Twitter at a premium price are tweeting tHe vOt3 is RigGeD! it appears the people have spoken.

The Twitter poll is just another example of Musk driving the platform into the ground. He banned journalists, helped spread conspiracy theories, screwed up the blue checkmark verification system, got into trouble for setting up beds in Twitter offices, starting a beef with Apple, and worst of all, invading Russia in the winter. It was just a matter of time before he’d become the butt of every single joke.

*Note: Professor Andrew Canard is not responsible for any s’mores-related injuries you may receive.

It is suspected that former holders of Twitter stock are the ones who started the dumpster fire parties. After all, after getting all of that sweet, sweet cash from Elon they have money to burn.

In related news, Todd and Julie Chrisley are not happy with God’s plan.


*The real question is Why aren’t people throwing Twitter dumpster fire parties or at least Elon Musk schadenfreude hootenannies?

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...