Hartford, Connecticut – Representatives from the six New England states are meeting in what’s being called the Convention of Grievances (CoG). Maine, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and Vermont are striving to make what’s being called “a more perfect union” that does not include the rest of the country.
Representatives at CoG are citing irreconcilable differences with the United States. A short list includes:
- Red state governments and federal judges forcing New England states to change the way they are offering abortion services.
- The FDA allows toxic chemicals in the production of food.
- Five out of six New England states are in the top ten list of the highest-rated public schools in the nation. New England is being held back by stupid.
- New England Clam Chowder is vastly superior to the Manhattan abomination.
“New England is smarter and more affluent than the rest of the nation,” stated Vermont Representative Andrew Canard. “The future is us and not the US. Have you seen the map of what counties are going to be the safest regarding climate change? New England is safe.
New Englanders at CoG by and large agree on the basics. They plan to scrap the presidential system and adopt a parliamentarian style of government. Although many dislike the idea of a nuclear-armed nation, there is a consensus that if New England goes its own way it’s only a matter of time before the United States tries to “Ukraine” it. A nuclear deterrent is needed.
The main controversy, unexpectedly, is the states who want to join the proposed Union of New England. Deleware and New York are thinking they may want a place at the table. And while most of the CoG representatives think Deleware is a poor fit because, after all, it is below the Mason-Dixon Line and New York will never be let in because of the Yankees, and Manhattan Clam Chowder, New Jersey is a different case altogether.
“New Jersey has a lot to offer our soon-to-be independent country,” one CoG delegate said. “They’re not stupid, and they have a lot of money. Those are big selling points.”
New Jersey representatives aren’t being let into CoG. However, they are making their cases when New Englanders go back to their hotel rooms. Eager New Jerseyians are using any and every tactic to make their case. “Think about our children,” one pleaded, “without New England in America we’ll be outvoted in Washington by idiots.”
The vote concerning New Jersey’s status is planned in the coming days.
In related news, former President Donald Trump tells supporters to steal Ron DeSantis’ new book.
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