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Silicon Valley – The Global Positioning System (GPS) is a godsend for humanity. Fully operational in 1995, GPS allows anyone with a smartphone, tablet, etc. to find their way. Long gone are the days of having to wrestle with paper maps while hurtling down the highway at 90 mph.

However, even though GPS is incredible technology, it does have its limitations. For example, how many times have you wondered if your GPS is trying to drive you crazy with all of those problematic left turns? And why didn’t your GPS tell you where your lady’s clitoris is?

Professor Andrew Canard of AndroTech Inc. developed GPS specifically for men. Years in the making, Professor Canard’s team of engineers and scientists created a product to assist every man navigate romance.

“AndroTech’s app will help many men become happier and more fulfilled with love,” Professor Canard remarked. “Girlfriends, wives, and even side chicks will benefit.”

AndroTech states their GPS will help men in specific ways:

  • The GPS will issue a warning to the man if he is driving to a restaurant that his partner hates because that’s where he and his ex used to go all the time and the waitstaff call her by the ex’s name.
  • The clitoris. It’s not a rotary designed by feminazis to confuse and emasculate men.
  • The AndroTech app will remind its owner when the road ahead is dangerous. Has he gained appropriate consent before moving forward?

Initial reviews of the app are mostly positive. Men report they don’t come off “as creepy” or “date rapey.” Many users state they don’t get lost in conversations.

“On first dates, I used to talk about that time I spent three days straight playing Red Dead Redemption 2,” stated one anonymous guy. “Now I’ve learned valuable active listening techniques. Thanks, AndroTech!”

The AndroTech app is available on Android and iOS.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...