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Newly unearthed scrolls from the Qumran Caves in the West Bank reveal prophecies concerning the coronavirus. Not only do the authors write of the plague, but they also herald the vaccine and face masks as “Gifts from God” that “only the foolish refrain from.”

The series of fragments and manuscripts that have come to be known as the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered in 1946/1947 and 1956. They are some of the earliest editions we have of the Hebrew Scriptures, the Book of Enoch, and Psalms.

Archaeologists suspected other such writings were in the surrounding area. Professor Andrew Canard from the Theological Institute of Theology (TIT) relentlessly excavated caves for years only to find nothing. Finally, his herculean effort paid off. Five large and relatively undamaged scrolls dating from the 3rd century BCE were discovered.

“This would be a find of the century under normal circumstances,” Professor Canard said. “But the prophecies are what is going to amaze everyone regardless of their faith.”

The scrolls point to a time when a “spiky monster” of “minuscule dimensions” will ravage the planet. The LORD in His wisdom will send messengers to educate the people and provide protection against the enemy. These men of women will teach the parables of the Masking of Faces and the Prodigal Jab. Many will listen. But some who have eyes and have ears will still not see or hear the lessons. They will perish.

Republican Florida Governor Ron DeSantis was the first GOP politician to cast doubt on the new discovery. He is vowing to fight for parental rights for evangelical moms and dads to sacrifice their children on the altar of QATrump.

In related news, Trump and the Taliban were nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...

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