Fairfax County, Virginia – The National Rifle Association (NRA) is encircled by legal fees, and the organization is ready to shoot its way out if necessary.
“We have enough AR-15s to build a wall on the Mexican AND Canadian borders,” NRA spokesperson Andrew Canard said. “There’s enough firepower here to take on the Catholic Church’s legal fees for pedophile priests.”
The NRA Feels The Heat
The Huffington Post reported on the NRA’s financial woes in the article Leaked NRA Documents Reveal Gun Group Drowning In Legal Fees:
In a letter North and NRA official Richard Childress sent to top NRA officials last month, North said he was “deeply concerned about the extraordinary legal fees the NRA has incurred” from attorney Bill Brewer.
“The amount appears to be approximately $24 million over a 13-month period,” the nine-page letter, which has been viewed by HuffPost, said. North said the gun group was burning nearly $100,000 every day, “seven days a week, every day of every month,” on paying the law firm.
Insiders state the NRA compound is stocked for a long siege. Reports say the NRA faithful have months of Cheetos Flamin’ Hot Snack Packs.
President Trump Offers Support
President Trump is lauding the brave men and women of the NRA who are making their stand against the victims of gun violence. “The persecution the NRA is facing has everything to do with Hillary’s emails and nothing to do with our proud nation’s lack of gun regulation. We need to arm toddlers to protect their pre-K classrooms,” he told reporters.
The NRA is reassuring everyday Americans who live in fear of the NRA that the NRA won’t engage in a bloody shoot out unless the supply of Cheetos Flamin’ Hot Snack Packs gets low.
However, sources within the NRA state member Ned “Big Guy” Williams really likes the snacks. The compound may run out sooner than expected.
In related, news pro-NRA churches are sending the organization all the thoughts and prayers they can muster. But will it be enough?
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Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog no one reads, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote a book no one reads, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers. There are rumors his stand-up is funny. When he isn’t shouting at the darkness on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook he is showing his kids how not to behave. Oh, he’s reading through the Bible and talking to interesting people on YouTube.
A friend of mine made the joke that the NRA was going to shoot its way out of legal fees. After getting his permission, I went with it.