In recent days the Republican National Committee slashed its funding for Dr. Oz's senatorial campaign in Pennsylvania. Dr. Oz is responding by directly addressing voters and asking them to support his campaign by purchasing Dr. Oz's All Natural Colon Cleanse.

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Dear Patriots,

It is with a heavy heart that I am writing this letter. The Big Government Socialist candidate John Fetterman is cream-styling my corn right now. Current polls have him beating me by over 11 points. And that’s why we need to band together! And you need to buy Dr. Oz’s Colon Cleanse.

As my site, Doctor Oz for Senate plainly states, I’ve spent my career in medicine working to empower people to take control of their own lives. Those of you who bought my Dr. Oz’s homeopathic starter kit personally know about the life-saving medicine I’ve provided to you all over the years. Our country is sick. We need to fight the disease of socialism, and that’s why I’m asking you to purchase five cases of Dr. Oz’s Colon Cleanse.

Each case only costs four easy payments of $29.99. And some portion of each and every sale goes to my senatorial campaign. Some of you are wondering, “What am I going to do with all that colon cleanse?” Freedom. That’s what you’re going to do with it. Just as you’re liberating your large intestine from years of gunked-up poo, you will be liberating America from toxic Democrat policies.

America is a nation of Ameri-cans and not Ameri-cants! We are positive people who are looking to build a positive future. What is more positive than a properly functioning lower alimentary canal as well as a country that protects the God-given right to school shootings, ten-year-olds bringing their rape babies to term, and protecting public education by getting tough on teachers who want students to think for themselves.

In closing, purchasing Dr. Oz’s Colon Cleanse is the most patriotic thing you can be doing right now. For the good of Pennsylvania and for the good of our children, buy, buy, buy!

In God We Trust,

Dr. Mehmet Oz

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...

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