Reading Time: 2 minutes

Heaven’s Mailroom – The mailroom in heaven is rumored to be the busiest in the multiverse, and the angels serving in it are busy 24 hours a day 8 days a week. Prayers are brought in from the pearly gate’s loading dock at a frantic pace leaving these divine beings with no coffee breaks and barely any time for lunch.

Fek off Pastor Terry Copeland Pearsons. We’re busy.

Archangel Andy Canard

Most Christians, Muslims, and Jews may find it surprising that each of their prayers is delivered here in its own envelope and is dumped off at the say location for sorting. Some may find it heartening that the Abrahamic faiths have something in common besides a history of fighting each other. But for the angels, it’s a living nightmare.

Archangel Andy Canard runs is the 7-3 shift manager and he’s been at it since Sumerians developed writing. He tries to put everything in perspective. “The minions of those gods had it rough,” he said. “They had to deal with prayers written in cuneiform on clay tablets.”

Other angels are not so understanding. “Why? Why is it like this? If God is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnibenevolent why is the system like this? And don’t give me that mysterious ways crap,” one anonymous angel said.

The recent rancor in the mailroom is due to the recent request of one pastor from Texas, Terri Copeland Persons. She asked God to send angels to remove “every fraudulent ballot, every wicked ballot.”

In a surprising move, the angels working the mailroom have angelic allies in AR (Angelic Resources). The CAO (Chief Angel Officer) agrees with them that Pearsons can go fek off. One source close to the CAO heard them muttering something about the request as not my monkeys and not my circus.

In related news, religious leaders say religion has absolutely nothing to do with religious riots.

Avatar photo

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...