Pat Robertson is happy.
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Joe Biden has 306 electoral votes. With Arizona officially being called for the Democrats, he solidifies his lead against President Donald Trump. CNN is now referring to the sitting commander-in-chief as the outgoing President. All but the most ardent members of Trump’s base are calling Biden the President-elect. Whatever actions white supremacist militias like the Proud Boys and the Wolverine Watchmen engage in, they can not change the simple fact Trump lost the election.

Biden winning the election is slowly working through the GOP’s biggest supporters, evangelical Christians. One of the loudest voices of the group is the man at the head of the 700 Club, Pat Robertson. He recently warned Democrats holding the White House will bring down God’s judgment on the United States of America.

The Warning Of Divine Wrath.

Pat Robertson told viewers of the 700 Club he has spoken with God, and the Almighty is miffed. The LORD is miffed and progressively annoyed at how His people are losing power in the greatest of all nations. The Almighty has set His seal of approval on the US and now the people went out and voted for a Catholic to be President. How is that even possible? Didn’t anyone take notice of the first time a Catholic became the chief executive? It was John F Kennedy and God’s plan specifically had the man shot in the head. Now that voters elected another one, God is planning to smite the country. Sorry, that’s just the way has to be. Check your Bibles, it’s pretty clear what God is going to do.

Plague, Ruin, And Murder Hornets

“God will bring down a plague on us unlike anything we’ve seen,” Robertson warned. “I read something the other day about the Spanish Flu pandemic of 1918. People thought it was just the everyday flu, but it wasn’t. It killed millions worldwide. Watch out, America, God will punish us with something just like that.”

His cohost just smiled awkwardly. Didn’t Pat know about COVID-19? 

The elderly and the potentially senile evangelical leader didn’t stop there.

“God brought ruin to the Egyptians when they defied His orders. Do you know what He did to them? He ruined their economy. Egyptians couldn’t leave their homes because of the Sun being blotted out of the sky. Their unemployment rate skyrocketed and the crooked politicians couldn’t come up with a second stimulus package,” he noted.

To top everything off the Pat talked about the murder hornets the Almighty sent to destroy the wicked. “Look out, people, if we don’t walk with Jesus all of this will happen again!”


Has Pat Robertson seen the light and now an atheist, and trolling evangelicals? Professor Andrew Canard teaches Senile Ministers and Their Ministry at Miskatonic University. He believes Robertson is both evil and senile. “It’s not uncommon. Evil old men get confused who God is cursing and what curses the divine overlord is using,” he noted. “It’s par for the course.”

Professor Canard predicts that it’s only a matter of time before Robertson warns the USA God will send them Donald Trump as a leader to punish them for their sins.

In related news, a new documentary reveals how Bostonians brush their teeth.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...