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New controversy concerning Texas Senator Ted Cruz’s trip to Cancun, Mexico exploded late last night when law enforcement took his poodle Snowflake away. The Cruz family rescued the dog from a shelter back in 2014 only to have him taken away due to concerns of abuse.

The Abandoned Poodle

Senator Cruz and his family jetted off on vacation as millions of Texans reeled from having no electricity, no heat, and no drinkable water due to a winter storm. The public uproar made the least popular senator in the nation return home. At first, he blamed his children for making him go on a sun and fun trip while people suffered in his home state. Later, he gave the best apology he could muster.

Prayer missiles?

What made matters worse was the family abandoning their pooch Snowflake to spend days and nights alone in the middle of a natural disaster. Senator Cruz tried to explain away this colossal failure in judgment by saying, “Hey, it was like that classic 80s movie Home Alone.

Despite Cruz’s best attempts to minimize the incident, various texts came to light showing his lack of empathy regarding the canine.

Here are just a few:

  • A dog? I have a dog? Why didn’t anyone tell me?  – sent to his aide Andrew Canard
  • What’s wrong with leaving the dog for a few days? There’s a doggie door Snowflake can use to get outside and do his business. – sent to his only friend GOPChatBot
  • Great, now the press is going to be all over me. Just for the record, we have three kids, right? – sent to his wife

For the record, Senator Ted Cruz has two children.

Animal Neglect Is Abuse

Chicken Nativity!

Austin’s Animal Control Unit is notified when there is suspicion an animal is being neglected or abused. Citizens have the option of leaving an anonymous message on the 1-800 number or leaving a tip on the police department’s site. In the case of Snowflake, there was plenty of evidence to show there was a pet who was suffering.

“Look, it was the worst winter disaster Texas faced in a decade,” an anonymous law enforcement source said. “They left the dog in question in a cold house with nothing but a dish of water and kibble. Officers have a legal and moral duty to intervene in this kind of situation.”

Sources say Senator Cruz at first refused to let officers into his house. When he realized how bad he was going to look to voters he relented.

Senator Cruz and his wife will need to appear in front of a judge and explain themselves. A date hasn’t been set. The couple may face a stiff fine or even 30 days in jail.

Until the court proceedings are over, Ted Cruz will not be able to visit Snowflake who is currently in a foster home. Many see this as a victory against animal abusers.

In related news, Ted Cruz loses all of his Marriott Award points.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...