When Jorge Mario Bergoglio first became Pope Francis, head of the world’s largest denomination of Christians, the Catholic Church was in trouble. The previous Vicar of Christ Pope Benedict the XVI lacked the proper skills to navigate Catholicism through the maelstrom of the pedophile priest scandals. Bishops, cardinals, and everyday people hoped Pope Francis would bring justice, mercy, and understanding to an institution that seemed to have lost its way.
Pope Francis led the Church through a spiritual journey. However, he was also on one. Doubts crept in. Once, his heart was only full of faith. Now, he started thinking Catholicism and Christianity to be, well, bunk. Those doubts grew until he woke up one morning to realize he no longer believed. Pope Francis was no longer Catholic and during the night he metamorphosized into *The Thinking Atheist Seth Andrews.
Who Is The Thinking Atheist?
Seth Andrews is The Thinking Atheist. He was once a fundamentalist Christian wh0 “idolized Rush Limbaugh” and worked to further the evangelical agenda. After becoming an atheist, Mr. Andrews dedicated his life to rationality and helping atheists and others struggling with toxic Christianity. Today he’s the host of The Thinking Atheist podcast and YouTube channel as well as the author of several books like Confessions of a Former Fox News Christian and Deconverted: A Journey from Religion to Reason.
No one suspected Pope Francis’ final form to be The Thinking Atheist. But it is, and the world will never be the same.
The Catholic Response
Bill Donohue is the President of the Catholic League in the United States. It’s a conservative group that was often in direct opposition to the liberal tendencies of Pope Francis.
Mr. Donohue spared no time to reach out to Fox News and condemn the transformation of Pope Francis to the godless Seth Andrews.
It’s almost always a tragedy when a soul turns away from Christ and to the Devil. In this particular case, it’s reasonable to rejoice in the damnation of Francis-Andrews or whatever they’re calling themselves because Francis was undermining the Chruch.
God doesn’t believe in condoms or gay butt stuff. He also doesn’t approve of those who change their God-given sex. There is a warm place in hell for people who transition into Seth Andrews. Mark my words.
Neither one of the Seth Andrews has commented on Bill Donohue’s hateful word salad.
In related news, Joe Biden’s sex scandal surprises many.
*Right here some of you are thinking of Kafka’s Metamorphosis – the tale of a man waking up and realizing he is a huge bug. I AM NOT CALLING SETH ANDREWS A BUG. I’m simply using this trope in a hamfisted way to make a funny.
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