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Vatican, City – Pope Francis officially declared a Pembroke Welsh Corgi a saint. Saint Max now ranks among the likes of Saint Francis, Saint Jerome, and Saint Paul.

Catholics well-versed in Church history are aware that Max is not the first dog to be honored by the faithful. A greyhound named Guinefort is a folk saint. The 12th-century pooch was supposedly owned by a knight. When the knight returned to his home, he saw the greyhound and its bloody mouth, the crib upturned, and assumed the dog killed his baby. He killed Guinefort on the spot only to realize the dog killed a viper that was threatening the child. A nearby well became Guinefort’s grave. Later, the well gained a reputation as a shrine that healed sick children.

Not just anyone becomes a saint. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops states, Saints are in heaven (officially canonized or not), who lived heroically virtuous lives, offered their life for others, or were martyred for the faith, and who are worthy of imitation.

Not only must they live righteous lives, but, to become a saint in the Catholic Church the individual must be credited with two miracles that need to be attributed to prayers made to them.

In life, Max the Corgi was an exemplary “good boy.” His fur daddy and fur mommy report that Max brought joy into the hearts of everyone he met. “He always had a smile and a wiggly butt,” said fur daddy Andrew Canard. “Best of all he was a good Catholic and was a model that priests could look up to. Max never sexually abused anyone.”

Fur mommy Andrea Hogan-McAlpin-Canard reports that Max led a terrific life. Max was specially trained as a comfort dog who gave emotional support to those in crisis. Every Monday she brought Max to Saint Elizabeth’s Hospital to visit sick kids in the cancer ward. “Those kids were so happy to see him. Best of all, Max never sexually assaulted any of those children,” she said.

Some Catholic conservatives are angry that Pope Francis named a dog a saint. Even though several miracles are attributed to Max, they are concerned that at no point in time that children or their parents were forced to sign NDAs.

Despite the controversy, Pope Francis is happy with Saint Max. There is even talk that a cat may be named a saint. However, many cat experts believe domesticated felines are too smart to be part of that scam.

In related news, Mike Pence bites off his own tongue.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...