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New York City – New York City police arrested President Donald Trump yesterday afternoon. The reason? The President locked the United States of America in his car with the windows rolled up for hours in the middle of summer.

“Police have the power to break car windows to save animals locked in cars when it’s hot out,” stated NYPD officer Andrew Canard. “I saw the country stuck in there, and to tell you the truth it didn’t look good. So, yeah, I acted.”

Police said they aren’t charging President Trump with double-parking in a handicapped spot. Some wonder how is it possible to double park in a handicapped spot. The President’s fans say those people don’t know the resourcefulness of Trump.

“My President can take an organization like NATO and drive into the ground,” remarked Trump supporter Billy “Oops, I locked myself in my car again” MacDonald.

Advocates for countries locked in cars are not taking this as if it were some kind of joke. Many believe former president of the Russian Federation, Boris Yeltsin, left Russia in his car in 1992 while on a vodka binge in the middle of August. Medical professionals believe that’s when the nation suffered brain damage. Others believe the Vladimir Putin affliction was caused by putting nondairy creamer in the microwave.

The Justice Department is acting quickly to nullify New York’s criminal charges against the commander-in-chief. The Attorney General is quick to point out it doesn’t matter even if President Trump killed the United States of America, because he is the President of the United States of America.

“He could’ve had Canada in there too, and it wouldn’t matter,” Attorney General William Barr said.

Evangelicals are sending all the thoughts and prayers they can muster to help the country get out of the intensive care unit. Many Democrats believe fundamentalists are the ones who got us all in this mess to begin with.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...