Washington DC – President Donald Trump was found in his car yesterday afternoon by local police. All the windows were rolled up, and the internal temperature of the vehicle was well over one hundred degrees. The commander-in-chief was dehydrated and suffering from heat exhaustion. He was rushed to an area hospital.
”It looks like he locked himself in the car,” reported the police officer who discovered Trump. “I’m guessing he dropped his keys just before trying to exit the vehicle and couldn’t find them.”
When asked why President Trump didn’t open the car door since he was in the car, the officer shrugged his shoulders. “Have you seen the guy’s tweets? Are you surprised he lost his keys in the car and assumed he couldn’t get out unless he had those keys?”
Are Mexicans To Blame?
”Mexicans are to blame,” stated White House spokesperson Andrew Canard. “We’re not sure exactly how they’re to blame, but what the heck? We’ll go with Mexicans.”
Trump supporters are calling for greater border security due to their President being targeted by illegal Mexican terrorists. Many believe Burger King’s new taco is somehow related to the attempted assassination of President Trump via the ethnically inspired heat.
”I’m pretty sure the car door locks were made with Mexican parts,” stated one pro-Trumper. “I tasted one of those Burger King tacos. I didn’t taste any America in them. Coincidence?”
White Patriotic Terrorists Pray
Taking a day off from planning mass shootings targeting brown and black-skinned people, white patriotic terrorists are sending thoughts and prayers for President Trump.
“I feel it’s wrong to wait. But it does my proofreader a second chance to look through my manifesto,” one anonymous fascist admitted.
The NRA is asking members to organize and do “shoot-a-thons” for President Trump. Proceeds should go to support embattled Senator Moscow Mitch McConnell’s campaign for reelection.