Davos, Switzerland – President Trump is attending the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland this week. He started off his visit by molesting a statue of Mother Teresa. The statue of the Albanian saint stands right in the center of the city, and many residents and visitors saw the whole incident happen.
”One minute President Trump was acting like a normal human being and the next he’s trying to stick his tongue down the statue’s mouth,” stated one onlooker. “I overheard him tell one of his aides, ‘Check this out. I’m a celebrity. She wants me to do it.’”
The commander-in-chief of the world’s most massive military then sought out to prove his point by making out with the bronze statue for fifteen minutes. Afterwards, he zippered up his pants and laughed, “Didn’t I tell you she wanted it? She let me do anything I wanted to her and didn’t say a word.”
Swiss Reactions
Even by Trumpian standards, the President’s behavior seems more mentally ill than usual. An emergency meeting of Davos’ leading mental health professionals is seeking a way to help President Trump as well as protect the community.
The group came up with a five-point plan to face the ongoing crisis (the ongoing crisis being President Trump being in their city).
- Under no circumstances are any children to be within a 50-foot radius of President Trump;
- Ivanka Trump’s planned visit this week to Davos is canceled. No one wants to see what those two are going to do in public;
- When President Trump is meeting with world economic leaders, an emergency intervention team will confront him with his actions. If the American President agrees, then he will immediately go to an inpatient psychiatric ward for monitoring;
- The Swiss government is penning a letter to the United States urging they send mentally stable adults to Davos in the future;
- And no, Vice President Pence is not considered a mentally stable adult.
Republican Uproar
Republicans are demanding an apology for what they consider reasonable and healthy relations between a man a statue.
”It wasn’t like he was making out with a man monument,” stated Georgia Representative Andrew Canard.
President Trump’s fans are screaming on AM talk radio stations all across America that this is just another Obama/Shillary/George Soros/Fake News scheme to besmirch their hero.
White Evangelicals are swarming to protect the man who is protecting white evangelical America. Most believe President Trump was only joking. Some, however, see the truth and are proud of their Faustian bargain.
”He can make out with George Washington’s statue all I care,” exclaimed one anonymous man, “I just want him to keep sticking up for Jesus.”
*This Poe was inspired by this Saturday Night Live Sketch.
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017
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