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Hot on the campaign trail for Republican midterm candidates, President Trump told a crowd of supporters he is going to reunify North and South Carolina.

It’s bad. North and South Carolina are the two Siamese twins we need to reattach to each other, folks. They were meant to be together and then war broke them apart. No more. I promise you those two crazy kids will be made whole. Promise!

People at Republican Congressman Andrew Canard of West Virginia’s 33rd district’s campaign rally loved the commander-in-chief’s bold plan for the Carolinas. “I don’t know which is better, Trump promising to deport Puerto Ricans back to Mexico or fixing the problem on the Carolina Penninsular,” stated an anonymous GOP fan. “I’m just joking. It’s getting rid of the Puerto Ricans.”

Candidate Andrew Canard took Trump’s statements all in stride. He’s gotten used to the President’s outlandish comments which are untethered to reality. Sources close to Canard report the politician is actually happy Trump saves the incredibly big lies for West Virginia. It shows West Virginia is the President’s favorite state.

West Virginian Democrats are under so much alt-truth pressure they too have abandoned reality based facts. William Sedulous is the state head of the Democratic Party for the Mountain State. He’s wracked his brain for months but so far he hasn’t crafted an epic whopper. “My best one so far is that President Trump is, in fact, part of the New World Order. Seeing how he cozies up to dictators I’m thinking that’s a little too obvious,” Mr. Sedulous sighed.

Republican politicians from North and South Carolina are praising the President. Governors from both states are vowing to tear down the wall that separates North and South Berlin. Democrats in the two states don’t know if the governors have lost their minds or if making huge lies is simply in the GOP DNA.

 

 


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...