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Washington DC – President Trump took to Twitter today to warn Americans about the threat of vote by mail cancer. Although he wasn’t specific on the science, the commander-in-chief told fans voting by mail put their lives in mortal danger.

Mail ballots cause more cancer than smoking. Don’t be a cancer-lower and get sick because you’re afraid of voting in person! Punch the China virus in the face and go vote on November 2!

The President urges all true Americans to flood voting booths on election day.

Experts point out that election day is actually November 3rd. However, thanks to early voting most polls will be open on the 2nd.

Republican Doctors Say Mail Cancer Is Real

Vaccine specialist and My Pillow creator Michael J Lindell states mail-in ballots are a bigger threat to personal health than the coronavirus.

“The research coming out of My Pillow University shows beyond a shadow of the doubt millions of Americans die from mail-based voting,” Mr. Lindell said. “In fact, the only way to protect yourself from generalized mail cancer is by purchasing My Pillows. The more you buy, the more you boost your body’s immune system.”

Scared seniors are taking matters into their own hands. They are afraid of contracting COVID-19. They are also concerned about getting mail cancer. Many Trump-supporting seniors are seeking assistance from religious leaders who are happy to make out their ballots for them and mail them in. God will protect His own.

In related news, California forces FOX News to place warning labels on its programs.



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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...