Washington, DC – Most experts thought Donald J. Trump would never be President of the United States. He proved them wrong. Several months ago Trump’s inner circle believed relying on hurricanes to boost his popularity rating was pie in the sky thinking. Thanks to the public’s lowered expectations of this President and several monster hurricanes, Trump’s approval ratings are up.
Andrew Canard is a White House strategist who spoke honestly about Trump’s America first and hurricanes second strategy:
Democrats believe Donald is an idiot. Okay, maybe he doesn’t read stuff like briefings or listen to you without you holding something shiny in your hands. What I’m saying is that the man understands climate change. It doesn’t take a genius to understand warmer oceans means more powerful storms. As he put it, “It’s putting gasoline on a fire. You get boom-booms.”
This new revelation put President Trump’s pro-white supremacist message following Charlottesville into context. It’s apparent he knew to feed his political base the racist red meat it so loves because hurricane season was only a hop skip and a jump away. What brings the country together like a good hurricane as long as he didn’t George W. it up?
Democrats are wondering what else Trump has up his sleeve. Hurricane season can’t last forever. Blizzards just don’t get the airplay a good olde fashioned category 5 storm.
Anonymous sources in Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller’s office are whispering that Trump plans to inflame the War on Christmas. Breitbart operatives may just set fire to the amusement park Santa’s Village in New Hampshire and blame it on godless hippies. President Trump would then swoop in as the savior of traditional Christian Christmas and tell Adam Sandler Hannukah needs to be moved to February.
That should keep President Trump’s numbers up as he makes good on destroying all life in North Korea as well as its surrounding areas. Military experts still aren’t sure how they’re going to kill all the cockroaches. The President isn’t concerned with micromanaging his generals. He’ll just order the nuclear strike, and then maybe the army will have to squish every roach by foot.
*This Poe was inspired by Trump rebounds after polling slide.
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017
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