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Saint Paul, Minn – An astronomy professor was fired after teaching their class about the planet Uranus.

Hamline College adjunct Professor Andrew Canard lost his job after explaining to students basic facts concerning the seventh planet from the Sun.

Professor Canard started the lecture in the same manner he taught Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn. After referring to the syllabus, he lectured the class how Uranus is a gas giant, discussed its 27 moons, and that the temperature is a frosty -353 degrees F.

A senior named Emily Antebellum became incensed when Canard talked about research from the University of Oxford that stated Uranus smells like farts. Ms. Antebellum found the topic insulting to evangelical Christianity. She went to the administrators and declared her faith was under attack.

“According to my Christian faith, I should not be presented with any material that may be considered immodest.”

– Emily Antebellum

The 2018 research paper Detection of hydrogen sulfide above the clouds in Uranus’s atmosphere was published in the peer-reviewed journal Natural Astronomy. Its authors pointed out that hydrogen sulfide smells like rotten eggs and someone farting. Anyone descending through Uranus’ clouds would “be met with very unpleasant and odiferous conditions.”

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Basic facts about Uranus

Ms. Antebellum is the president of the Christian Student Alliance (CSA) at Hamline College. Sources say there are approximately 6 active members of the organization. Even though there aren’t many students that make up the CSA, they are very active and loud in college affairs.

Once college administrators told Professor Canard about the complaint, he immediately apologized to the aggrieved student for insulting her deeply held beliefs. He told her he had no idea Uranus’ farts would cause such a scandal. “Are there any other astronomical facts that may be triggering?” he asked. She responded that she wasn’t being triggered because that’s what snowflakes do and that she was a “warrior for Christ.”

Sources within the administration realized it was easier to fire an assistant professor without tenure than take a moral stand and quickly informed Canard he was terminated effective immediately.

Hamline College President Fayneese Diffident wrote a letter apologizing for the unpleasantness, “It is not our intent to place blame; rather, it is our intent to note that in the classroom incident—where a discussion of farts was undertaken for 30 seconds —respect for the observant Christian students in that classroom should have superseded academic freedom.”

Hamline College’s philosophy club was planning to hold a debate on the matter and then thought better of it. None of the students wanted to be accused of committing a hate crime against Christianity.

In related news, conservatives protest the abortion satellite network.


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If you are interested in the Bible and astronomy you may enjoy the book The Star of Bethlehem: A Skeptical View.

Images courtesy of Unsplash.com.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...