Puerto Rico Invites ISIS In

San Juan, Puerto Rico – After suffering from hurricanes, fiscal mismanagement, and a continuing sense they are forgotten by fellow American citizens the government of Puerto Rico invited the Islamic State to open a chapter there. The hope is that the fear of Islamic terrorism will lead to the US military to conquer the island and do some much-needed nation building.

Puerto Rico’s Governor Andre Canard explains:

This is by no means an original idea. Just the other day I was in my office and staring at the hole in the wall where the window used to be. I thought of my island being bankrupt. I thought of us not having any electricity for months. And then I thought of the classic 1959 movie The Mouse That Roared. It’s a tale of an impoverished country declaring war on the United States. They wanted to lose the war in order for the US to improve the living conditions in that poor nation.

I just needed to update the script a bit for today’s world.

Residents of Puerto Rico love the idea. Not wanting to wait for legitimate Islamic terrorists to appear on their shores, community theater groups are donning militant costumes and burning American flags. A local choir is organizing group chants of Death to America! and We hate you for your freedoms! around the island.

An anonymous choirmaster had this to say:

I envision a production where we have three groups of singers and we get a classic round going. We’d start off easy with Row Row Row Your Boat to get the three sections clicking together and then we’ll weave in some Death to America! 

Republican leaders see this move as a cheap ploy by these desperate Americans to get basic services. There is a consensus that there have to be legitimate beheadings happening on the island in the name of Allah to get the military over there. However, sources inside the Republican party whisper they will be forced to invade Puerto Rico if the so-called terrorists even threated a pretty white girl with blond hair and blue eyes. And not bleached blond hair, either. It has to be the real thing.

Governor Canard is hopeful his plan will work out. If President Trump and other Republicans don’t order the invasion, then Puerto Rico may just have to ask North Korea to put some nuclear missiles on the island.

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Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 . Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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