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Followers of the conspiracy cult QAnon are blowing up social media by declaring the latest picture from Mars proof that Jesus is living on the Red Planet. Advocates of “Mars Jesus” state the apparent door in the picture looks just like Jesus’ empty tomb as depicted in the New Testament.

SPACE.com reported on the picture that launched this insane idea.

The Curiosity rover found the Mars “door” on May 7 while imaging a mound known as the East Cliffs in the Gale Crater, which the rover has been exploring since its landing in 2012. The rover used its Mastcam instrument to take the image of the strange fissure, which is only 12 inches (30 centimeters) tall and 16 inches (40 centimeters) wide, NASA said in a statement. Clearly, humans would have difficulties entering the cliff through this “door,” which is why the NASA team dubbed it only the “dog door.” 

NASA officials state the doorway is actually an optical illusion. Our brains seek out patterns in the environment and can be fooled into seeing something that isn’t really there. In this case, a natural rock formation looks like a doorway made by intelligent life. Other cases include the face of Jesus appearing on toast and dog butts.

Neurologists, cognitive scientists, and psychologists are quick to point out that conspiracy theorists have brains that the nob for pattern-seeking has been turned up to 11. These truthers see schemes where there are none. It’s only natural they’d be drawn to the Mars picture.

I know what I seen. That picture is Jesus’ Martian home away from home.

qanon theorist Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene

QAnon-controlled churches are now taking an active interest in space exploration. A group of ministers from megachurches is descending on Austin, Texas hoping to talk to Space X CEO Elon Musk. They are hoping to rope Musk into sending a manned mission to Mars as soon as possible.

Reverend Andrew Canard is hoping to head the mission. He has a big plan and believes God is on his side. “When I get to Mars I’m going to coax Jesus out of this cave with sweet tea and biscuits.”

In related news, Florida changes Homo sapiens in textbooks to People sapiens.


Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...