London, England – In a moment that stunned the world, Queen Elizabeth II cursed the Second Amendment of the United States as the reason why Britain lost the Revolutionary War.
The statement came in what was supposed to be a happy celebration of her 70 years on the throne. The 96-year-old monarch seemed to enjoy the traditional Jubilee events like the Bangers and Mash Breakfast and Trooping of the Colour parade.
It was this part of her Jubilee message that took many by surprise.
“Thank you to everyone who has been involved in convening communities, families, neighbours and friends to mark my Platinum Jubilee, in the United Kingdom and across the Commonwealth. I know that many happy memories will be created at these festive occasions,” the Queen said in a statement.
“I continue to be vexxed by the colonials in the United States. Every night I pray to the Almighty that the Democrats repeal the Second Amendment. It saved them in 1776, and it’s the only thing that keeps them from being my vassals. I hate that f***ing thing,” Her Majesty added.
Commentators at FOX News had to quickly look up what the word vassal means. Tucker Carlson was the first to tweet his thoughts on the matter.
Queen Elizabeth knows the truth. The only thing keeping the United States of America safe from British imperial power are the AR-15s in the hands of children.Tucker Carlson
NRA President Carolyn D. Meadows weighed in on the matter. She believes the Queen spoke from the heart but didn’t go far enough. “The only thing saving the planet from global climate change is high round capacity magazines,” she said. “We ban those and Hawaii is going to be underwater.”
Those close to the Queen report they hope she doesn’t speak her mind on other sensitive topics. “Prince Charles lives in fear that his mum spills the beans,” one anonymous insider said.