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This green cup is afraid it will be racially profiled.

The controversy whirling around Starbucks’ new green cup has officially gone from gale force wind to cyclone. On Monday an innocent joke made on the internet set the fundamentalist Islamic world on fire.

Mohammed is actually on the Starbucks green cup. You just have to find him. Just like Waldo.

No one is sure where the quip originated. What is known is that countless variations of it have evolved, and politicians are trying to cash in on the mania.

  • Starbucks is trying to sell you Mohammed cups, folks. You know that green is the color of Islam? Starbucks is selling you Sharia in a venti-sized cup. – Donald Trump
  • We are stronger together. The Second Commandment is sacred to Islam and Christianity. As a signal of good will, my administration will airlift green cups to Syrians who will still be trapped in Aleppo when I become President. – Hillary Clinton

What is known for certain is that many of the alt-right are joining hands with their existential enemies, radical Islamists, to burn effigies of the Starbucks green cup. Groups of Christians and Muslims are uniting together to create giant sized paper models of the hated green cup to burn to the ground.

Some of the non-radically minded religious are happy with this turn of events.

I’m just glad they’re not persecuting me. – every single Jew in America

Trump supporters are anti-green.

The Obama administration is urging citizens to calm down and relax. He only has a few more months to be President and doesn’t want to be remembered as the Commander-in-Chief who had to proclaim martial law due to a pandemic of American stupid.

Anti-cuppists refuse to be mollified by reason. Radical Islamic imams have gone without sleep for days searching for Mohammed on the Starbucks cup. None have been successful. However, that does not deter the faithful. “I believe in belief. Allah willing, he will show me the Prophet on the accursed cup, and we can go full-jihad on pumpkin spice,” stated an anonymous imam.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...

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