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Conservative religious leaders around the United States of America are working to ban famed evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins. The governor of Oklahoma recently signed an edict effectively outlawing Professor Dawkins in the Sooner State.

If Richard Dawkins takes one step in Oklahoma, then we’re putting him in jail.

Oklahoma Governor Andrew Canard (R)

Right-wing religious MAGA icons like Reverend Paula White, Pastor Shane Vaughn, and many others are posting large signs on their church’s doors proudly declaring, “NO EVOLUTION ALLOWED!”

But why is this happening now? It’s all due to the Keller Independent School District in Texas banning the Bible.

The district formed a special committee to review everything on the list, and over the course of months, they removed some books from circulation while others remained in place. The adaptation of Anne Frank’s Diary? That one remained in place. The Morrison book stayed as well. So did all the Bibles. As they should! There’s no reason to shield kids from any of them.

But according to an email that apparently went out to all principals this morning from Jennifer Price, the Executive Director for Curriculum & Instruction, all challenged books must be pulled from the library and classrooms by the end of today… even the ones that previously passed the committee’s review.

A Texas school district just banned the Bible. Oops.

Angry MAGA mobs spontaneously appeared last night and burned effigies. However, the choice of some effigies left many scratching their heads. “This one fella made one that looked like Richard Dawkins and Charles Darwin kissing,” one local said. “The problem is he stuffed them with some asbestos he had kickin’ around his basement.”

The Teacher Institute for Evolutionary Studies (TIES) called an emergency meeting to address the matter. Many teachers are preparing for the new school year and are concerned they will be dragged into debating young Earth creationists over the Bible being banned as well as evergreen topics like If evolution is true then why are there still monkeys? Teachers are being advised to stay calm and to treat agitated parents with sedative-laced kid gloves.

Professor Dawkins is taking the current drama in stride. He’s seen this type of insanity before. “Back in 2009, State Rep. Todd Thomsen of Oklahoma tried to ban me from speaking at the University of Oklahoma. He introduced a bill in the state legislature and brought quite a bit of attention to himself,” Professor Dawkins said. “Nothing surprises me anymore.”

In related news, a Christian who became an atheist becomes a serial killer.


The midterms are around the corner. It’s time to normalize abandoning the Republican Party.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...