North Pole – Santa Claus has seized the world’s supply of coal and not giving it up until Christmas. All the anthracite, lignite, bituminous, sub-bituminous, and cannel coal is now in Santa’s Fortress of Solitude and guarded by his praetorian guard of elves. Why has St. Nick gone rogue? President of the United States of America Donald Trump is getting a jolly-olde amount of the fossil fuel in his stocking this Christmas.
”People stopped writing me what they wanted for Christmas,” Santa sighed. “I have rooms full of letters making sure I put Donald Trump on the Naughty List.”
Under normal circumstances Santa isn’t political. In fact, he typically keeps himself busy managing labor disputes with the elf union and keeping up with the newest toys. After getting so many messages from fans about how bad President Trump is, Santa had to turn on the television and take a look for himself.
“My first instinct is to give everyone who voted for him stockings full of coal,” Santa said as he poured some Baileys Irish Cream into his coffee.
”He doesn’t do well with anger,” Mrs. Claus added. “His therapist says he’s addicted to jolly.”
Santa’s cornering all the world’s coal has an unforeseen effect. Coal miners are getting large amounts of overtime because as soon as they dig the stuff up, elves arrive to transport it to the North Pole. And that means President Trump is even more popular than ever with his political base.
”Santa, baby, you’re the best,” President Trump tweeted.
Meanwhile, Santa looks forward to dropping an epic amount of coal on the White House Christmas Eve. He laughed as he took another sip of his Irish coffee, “Donald Trump swimming in coal is the real Christmas miracle this year! HO! HO! HO!”
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017