Reading Time: 3 minutes
This small county will never be the same.

Hopkinsville, Kentucky – The Satanic Temple is celebrating a victory in Christian County, Kentucky by convincing the county to pass County Ordinance 01-35, otherwise known as the Biblical Bathrooms Law. The statute will make any business that is following the wave of socially conservative toilet regulations to follow the letter of the Bible regarding bathrooms.

“The greatest weapon we Satanists have against bigoted bathroom laws is the Bible,” stated local Satanist Andrew Canard.

Within 90 days every relevant business offering biblical bathrooms must add a separate restroom for women who are  menstruating. Leviticus 15: 19-30 clearly states that women during that time are unclean and so is their”discharge.”

19“Whenever a woman has her menstrual period, she will be ceremonially unclean for seven days. Anyone who touches her during that time will be unclean until evening.
20Anything on which the woman lies or sits during the time of her period will be unclean.
21If any of you touch her bed, you must wash your clothes and bathe yourself in water, and you will remain unclean until evening.
22If you touch any object she has sat on, you must wash your clothes and bathe yourself in water, and you will remain unclean until evening.
23This includes her bed or any other object she has sat on; you will be unclean until evening if you touch it.
24If a man has sexual intercourse with her and her blood touches him, her menstrual impurity will be transmitted to him. He will remain unclean for seven days, and any bed on which he lies will be unclean.
25“If a woman has a flow of blood for many days that is unrelated to her menstrual period, or if the blood continues beyond the normal period, she is ceremonially unclean. As during her menstrual period, the woman will be unclean as long as the discharge continues.
26Any bed she lies on and any object she sits on during that time will be unclean, just as during her normal menstrual period.
27If any of you touch these things, you will be ceremonially unclean. You must wash your clothes and bathe yourself in water, and you will remain unclean until evening.
28“When the woman’s bleeding stops, she must count off seven days. Then she will be ceremonially clean.
29On the eighth day she must bring two turtledoves or two young pigeons and present them to the priest at the entrance of the Tabernacle.
30The priest will offer one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. Through this process, the priest will purify her before the LORD for the ceremonial impurity caused by her bleeding.
The new regulation also demands businesses offer their employees access to a priest that will accept offerings of two turtledoves or two pigeons.
People around the county are up in arms over the new law. Local businesses are crying out and  gnashing their collective teeth at the costs of installing new bathrooms. The county officials who passed the law are stating that they were fooled by the agents of Satan.
“We were told that these were the rules the Bible demands on us all,” stated an anonymous county official.  “I asked my minister and he told me that the Bible does imply that.”
Avatar photo

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...