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Conservatives around the country are purging school libraries of books that take controversial positions such as rights should be equal, women are actually people, and the Holocaust was wrong.

NBC News sent public records requests to nearly 100 school districts in the Houston, Dallas, San Antonio and Austin regions — a small sampling of the state’s 1,250 public school systems — and found 86 formal requests to remove books from libraries last year, the vast majority coming during the final four months of the year. Several titles were targeted in multiple districts.

Here are 50 books Texas parents want banned from school libraries

With so many books abducted by the religious right, teachers collectively cried out that their students are now walking into empty libraries. Concerned school board members heard them and acted. Once-vacant shelves are now full of books that will mold young minds into ideal Americans.

Here is a partial list of the new and improved books.

To Kill a Roe v Wade – This winner of the prestigious Evangelizer Prize follows the story of one Reverend Atticus Finch, who bravely fights against a woman’s right to choose. Does he succeed? You’ll be amazed how he changes the law with the power of prayer and right-wing Supreme Court Justices.

The Hunger Fun and Games: Why the Child Tax Credit is Bad for Kids – The first in a trilogy of novels set in the dystopian present, our courageous young hero Katniss Everjesus defends a child’s right to starve by fighting socialists, communists, and NPR’s Terry Gross in a winner-take-all battle to the death.

Lord of the Fossil-Fuels-are-Causing-Climate-Change Lies – What would happen if a group of students from an all-boys middle school gets trapped on an island? You will be amazed how these lads build an advanced society based on clean coal technology.

Are You There God? It’s Me, Your Favorite Country, America – Margaret is just another everyday girl called on by God to be a modern-day prophet. She spreads the good news that all lives matter and the real injustice in the United States is critical race theory.

Smaug: Defending Capitalism and Teaching Both Sides of The Hobbit – Smaug the Dragon in The Hobbit never got to tell his side of his story. In the original tale, Smaug was painted as a ruthless champion of late-stage capitalism. But was he really? No, of course not. In this careful analysis, readers will delight in Smaug’s fiery defense of the free market. He literally sets socialists on fire when they dare propose a billionaire’s tax.

Brown Girl Dreaming Slavery Wasn’t That Bad – Was slavery evil or was it a primitive form of social safety net? Told in verse, the reader finds out chattel slavery was in fact an advanced job program and retirement plan all in one.

Harry Potter and His Best Friend Jesus – Harry Potter moves into one of the more exclusive cul-de-sacs with his totally not dead mother and father. On his first day at his new Christian private school, he finds new friends. However, Harry soon learns the real lesson is that Jesus is the best buddy a boy could hope for.

CAT – Remember five years ago when all those atheist dudebros said today’s Nazis aren’t really Nazis? Guess what? They were right. Sorta. Not really. In this charming book, Nazis are cats, and they’re the good guys! It’s meowtastic!

In related news, this classic song will bring back fond memories.

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...