Reading Time: 2 minutes

Astronomers, cosmologists, and engineers are jazzed up about your anus and its quirks and hidden features.

Scientists have explored different regions of the human body. The brain, heart, and lungs are well-mapped. And, sure, there were flybys and tentative explorations of your anus in college. Now, the scientific community is planning to plunge in and really take time and explore what is going on in there.

YouTube video

“Is it the final frontier? No,” explained AI chatbot scientist Andrew Canard. “I think of it as the undiscovered orifice.”

Many scientists as well as non-scientists are raising an eyebrow at the choice to fund a program that may cost billions and require the thinky power of many scientific professionals over the course of decades. The reason behind the mission is that your anus is loaded with mysteries and there are real-world benefits to exploration.

“It’s a gas giant,” AI Canard said. “It’s on the perimeter of your bodily system and it affects a lot of people, especially in confined spaces. We need to get to the bottom of this.”

A research vehicle is in the first stages of development. Right now the mission is slated to lift off in 2032. Insiders believe it will give you and your anus time to prepare for the exploration. The vehicle will probably have two parts. The first one will orbit your anus, and the second one will insert itself and relay information concerning the your anian atmosphere.

It’s hoped that the mission will explain why your anus is tilted at a 98-degree angle. Normal and well-adjusted anuses are positioned at a 23-degree angle. And while no one is anus-shaming you, it is odd. Whether or not the data will explain why you were voted Most Likely To Be The Recipient Of A Government Funded Anus Research Project in high school is unknown.

In related news, comedian Bo Burnham is FaceTiming with his mom

This chatbot piece may or may not be based on Uranus’s quirks and hidden features have astronomers jazzed about a direct mission.

Thanks for stopping by! Please support journalism by buying this brave reporter a cup of coffee. You may be interested in The Backyard Astronomer’s Guide.

Avatar photo

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...