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The Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) ruled 6-3 that 8-year-old Billy Taft may divorce his parents on the basis that his father and mother infringed on his religious freedom on a regular and premeditated basis.

America was built on Judeo-Christian religiously intolerant liberty.

Justice Clarence Thomas

The case Billy v Mom and Dad pitted two very different worldviews against each other. Billy insisted his deepest thoughts and feelings guided him to eat chocolate cake for breakfast, fart in his sister’s face whenever he wanted to, and go to bed whenever he damn well pleased. His parents were consistently against what Billy is calling his faith-based agenda.

Mom and Dad’s defense lawyer, Andrew Canard, Esq., stated before the court that a child at that age did not have the intellectual and emotional faculties to make sweeping metaphysical statements about the Almighty and bedtime.

“Psychological research has shown time and time again that a child that young lacks judgment and needs guidance, love, and firm boundary setting by their parents,” Mr. Canard argued. “It’s clear Billy can’t weigh the pros and cons of these decisions. Religious freedom is not the issue.”

Despite the defense’s best efforts, the conservative judges, once again, chose to support a Christian nationalist agenda. Writing the majority opinion Justice Thomas quoted scripture and referenced Mathew 19:14.

Billy v Mom and Dad hinges on a child’s ability to choose. And what does the Bible say? Jesus himself said, “Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” Jesus thinks Billy Taft knows enough in this matter and that’s good enough for me.

Justice Clarence Thomas

Other conservative justices voiced their opinions. Justice Alito pointed out that if an 8-year-old can’t decide how they interpret Christianity, then can any child even be considered Christian in the first place? Justice Barrett wrote that while a child has the faculty of interpreting the scriptures thanks to the direct intervention of the Holy Spirit, that does not mean they have the right to turn away from Christianity. Any desire to do so would be been inspired by Satan and thusly be unconstitutional.

Mom and Dad are saddened by the decision. However, they are both die-hard Trump supporters, and even though Trump’s SCOTUS appointees broke up their family, the two say they will still vote for the Donald in 2024 if he decides to run.

In related news, Earth is looking for an asteroid to strike it.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...