Singer, songwriter, guitarist, hunter, and pro-gun activist Ted Nugent was shot by an as-of-yet-unnamed white-tailed deer who was armed with an AR-15.
The incident occurred at 6:01 PM in the parking lot of the Bass Pro Shop in Waco, Texas. Mr. Nugent owns a home and a considerable plot of land in the community.
Eyewitnesses report the seventy-four-year-old Nugent purchased some basic fishing supplies. He then walked out of the store to where his vehicle was parked. However, fate had other plans for the man who once stated, “Apartheid isn’t that cut and dry. All men are not created equal.”
The deer waited patiently and struck just when Nugent started to unlock his truck’s door. The antlered creature blasted the area and fired the entire clip. Though the herbivore may know how to fire the weapon, it hadn’t acquired the skills to aim it well. Out of all the bullets fired only one hit its mark. That one bullet found its new home in Nugent’s right butt cheek.
Once the weapon was empty the assailant fled the scene. Police report they have rounded up approximately 30 young Black men in the search for the would-be killer. Anonymous sources in law enforcement state the suspects meet the profile of the attacker.
No one is surprised the animal used an AR-15. Public health officials say the Lone Star State is literally littered with them.
Professor Andrew Canard teaches Zoology and Law at the University of Texas at Austin. He believes we may be seeing a real-life example of punctuated equilibrium. “For periods of time a species will experience no discernable evolutionary change,” he said, “and then suddenly that same species will undergo what seems to be a drastic change. Deer learning how to turn the tables on their predator — in this case Mr. Nugent — looks like a perfect example of it.”
Other biologists concur that human hunters may create evolutionary pressure that causes deer to adapt. In the past deer adapted to living in woodland areas by adopting more keen senses, longer legs for sprinting, and camouflage coloring. Apparently, white-tailed deer in the Waco area have learned to use assault weapons.
Mr. Nugent is recuperating at an area hospital. He is in good spirits. However, he is now reconsidering whether or not to go hunting anymore since evolution has evened up the odds. “I think it’s still safe to fish. They haven’t learned how to use Glocks, have they?”
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