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A new study from the Pew Research Center shows that fewer than half of Americans may be Christian by 2070, and that is making Christian terrorists even angrier that Christofascism isn’t as popular as it used to be.

We will not be replaced by people who graduated the tenth grade.

Chistofascist Representative Lauren Boebert

The new report Modeling the Future of Religion in America analyzes historical religious trends, and it doesn’t look good for Christianity. In 1972 90% of Americans were Christian. In 2020 only 64% were. Researchers predict that even if no one switched their religion from Christianity only 54% of the nation will follow Jesus by 2070. However, if a growing number of Christians leave the faith before they turn 30, then only 35% of Americans will be Christian.

Those who are religiously nonaffiliated will continue to see their numbers rise. If the trends continue, then the nones will be 52% of the population by 2070.

Non-Christian religions will double their percentage by 2070 due to immigration.

Oath Keepers, QAnon conspiracists, the KKK, Proud Boys, the GOP, and other Christian terrorist groups see the decline and are mobilizing to fight what they see as the Satanic influence of primary education, greater access to healthcare thanks to Obamacare, libraries, scientists, the germ-based theory of disease, evolution, and, of course, non-Bible books. In fact, some experts believe Donald Trump’s presidency is a direct effect of Christianity in decline.

Professor Andrew Canard teaches at the Theological Institute of Teleology (TIT). He teaches sociology and specializes in Christofascism. His books include No Jesus For Us, We’re Christofascists, and his New York Times Best Seller Crackerbarrel Reich. “When bullies can’t win by the ballot box they turn to the ammo box,” he said. “Evangelical Christians can feel the walls closing in on them, and know in their hearts the only way to preserve their status in society is to go full bore fascism.”

Here are what some prominent Christofascists have to say about the decline of faith in the United States of America.

Satanic gay penises are living in American pants! America needs Jesus pants. We have all fallen short of the glory of God and that means democracy can not work. DO THE MATH.

– Pastor Greg Locke

We are under attack! But praise God the Supreme Court already overturned the election and is looking to hammana lammana buppity doo [that last part is angel talk].

MAGA Prophet Johnny Enlow

Angels tell me Jesus voted for Donald Trump and it wasn’t a mail-in ballot either and that’s why Jesus hasn’t returned it’s because no one counted His vote. Oh, and mango salsa is the work of the Devil.

– Prophetess Kat Kerr

In related news, Jesus refuses to forgive the sins of Marjorie Taylor Greene.


Disclaimer: While the study is real the quotes from the Christofascists aren’t. But that video from Johnny is certainly real, isn’t it? And to be truthful I did my best to capture the insane membrane of Kat Kerr, but I feel I fell short. Well, I hope you enjoyed the bit. Vote Blue!

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...