New textbooks are blank for a new mandatory statewide class named What a Friend I Have in Jesus. The class is for first graders. Pages are left blank so that little hands can draw, write, and just have fun with Jesus in school.
“We thought it’d be a great idea to give kids their first big boy or big girl text book in first grade,” explained Professor Andrew Canard of the Theological Institute of Theology.
Even though the book is empty, educators are not getting time off during class. Lesson plans include fun and educational activities like:
- A daily diary dedicated to Jesus.
- Missives to yourself to remind you what a dirty sinner you are.
- Drawing and coloring pictures of what awaits sinners in Hell.
The new class and books are being introduced this upcoming September. Many church leaders are ecstatic with these changes. The new textbooks for What a Friend I Have in Jesus are thought to mesh well with elementary schools’ curriculum of Intelligent Design, and Aristotle’s Earth Centered Model of the Solar System.
Parents are rejoicing that they get to outsource the moral education of their little tikes to schools. In a recent poll, 88% of moms and dads report they just didn’t think church was getting the job done. Afterall, church is only a few times a week for a limited amount of time. Schools have their children 5 days a week for hours and hours.
Michael Davis, a proud dad of two six-year-old boys, had this to say:
I’m glad Jesus is being explored in the classroom. That’s the problem with the abortionist northern states. Too much Internet and not enough Jesus. Hopefully, with all this Jesus getting pumped into their systems my kids won’t notice my cursing, and tendency to lie and cheat anyone I can.
Some Jewish parents are raising controversies regarding these blank textbooks and the new class. They desire their children to focus on Rabbi Jesus. While Rabbi Jesus was an influential teacher, the idea he was the Messiah is laughable. It goes without saying these Jews don’t want their kids to buy into Christianity’s brand of poly-monotheism and want them to stick with the good old fashioned mono-monotheism of Judaism.
Texas isn’t having any of that.
State lawmakers cite the recent Arkansas case where the judge ruled that religious freedom laws are meant to protect Christianity only. Citizens who don’t believe in Christianity must simply “go with the flow.”
However, Texas is taking Jewish parents’ concern into consideration. Jewish students will be given yellow Stars of David to place on their clothes to identify themselves as members of the Chosen People. This will assist Christian kids when they draw and color sinners in Hell.
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Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017
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