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Ronnie Ellis is thirty-two years old and believes in the germ theory of disease. This scientific theory posits certain diseases are caused by microorganisms too small to see. Unlike many men, Ronnie washes his hands after going to the bathroom. In fact, he scrubs his hands for twenty seconds with soap even before the coronavirus hit. In recent days, however, Ronnie is sick. He’s fallen to the dreaded ailment COVID fatigue, and he’s acting like an idiot.

Covid fatigue is real. Millions of Americans who dutifully obeyed public health guidelines early in the pandemic are now engaging in risky behavior. Like many who are succumbing to the dreaded malady, Ronnie traveled for the holidays to see loved ones. He’s dining in at restaurants. And worst of all, he’s watching FOX News.

A longtime friend of Ronnie’s and is concerned. “I heard him say the other day, ‘The germ theory of disease is just a theory.'”

The good news is there is a proven way of fighting COVID-19 fatigue.


Psychologists have long understood play is an important part of developing healthy behaviors. It’s well-known children learn pro-social rules while playing with their peers. The data also shows people of all ages can become less idiotic if only they pretend to be mother efing responsible adults.

Professor Andrew Canard teaches How Not to Be An Idiot at the Theological Institute of Theology (TIT). He’s been exploring the nooks and crannies of good and bad decision making for decades. There is a clear strategy that increases pro-public health behavior in the time of COVID.

And what would that strategy be?

People need to cosplay being Dr. Anthony Fauci. Like, all the time,” Professor Canard said.

How To Be Dr. Anthony Fauci

Dr. Anthony Fauci is a noted immunologist and heads the White House Coronavirus Task Force. Some might assume it would be wise for everyday Americans to research the man, gain an appreciation for the years of work he’s put in, and then mirror how Fauci deals with the virus. However, Professor Canard says that is the wrong way of doing things.

“Dumb people don’t understand smart. When they try to figure things out for themselves we get conspiracy theories. What Americans need to do is watch current videos of Fauci and do what Fauci does,” Canard stated.

Professor Canard noted that people don’t understand fact-driven policies change in the light of new facts. That’s why Americans should watch the most recent announcements from Dr. Fauci.

From recent studies, it helps if people actively pretend to be the good doctor. The likelihood of non-stupid goes up dramatically if one is wearing a white lab coat with a name tag that says, Dr. Anthony Fauci.

The future is unknown. However, what is known is if Americans cosplay Dr. Fauci, death rates from COVID-19 will plummet.

In related news, the Vatican states bishops need to bless the vaccine.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...