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OnlySky’s very own Professor Andrew Canard sat down with two of the intellectual giants of our time, Professor Jordan Peterson and Deepak Chopra. Jordan Peterson is the author of such books as Lobsters Make Their Beds, Why Don’t You? and I’m Not Having a Psychotic Incident—It’s Called a Revelation. Deepak Chopra’s life is dedicated to improving the lives of others through quantum prevarications.

What follows is an excerpt from that 12-hour discussion on whether or not you can fool all the people all of the time.

Canard: Abraham Lincoln famously said, “You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.” In your experience Professor Peterson, is that true?

Peterson: The Logos is the presupposition to unparalleled neural networks.

Canard: I understand. What you’re saying is that a metaphysical intellect is necessary to create consciousness and intelligence in the physical world. How do you respond to that, Dr. Chopra?

Chopra: Information embraces the mechanics of facts.

Canard: I’m going to have to give you a yellow card for that. Just as a reminder, this is a friendly discussion. There’s no need to turn this conversation into Twitter. Even though information in the abstract does have an intimate connection to classical Newtonian physics and billiard ball causality, there’s no reason for this to get nasty.

Peterson: The dominance hierarchy illuminates new phenomena. Pinocchio as the archetype is the path to total acceptance of excellence.

Chopra: Hidden meaning relies on humble beginnings. Your body heals reckless molecules.

Canard: Now we’re getting somewhere! We can’t talk about conmen and charlatans without talking about how reckless molecules are transformed by the Pinocchian archetype into dominance hierarchies.

But, how do we move from a society of wishy-washy soy boys who thumb their noses at traditional pronouns to a culture where the ubermensch won’t get canceled by the woke mob?

Chopra: The ego requires formless life. Awareness projects on the doorway to reality. The web of life is at the heart of intrinsic happiness.

Canard: I totally agree. We need to project more awareness of webs onto doorways.

Peterson: The Logos is inherent in dimensionless chaos. Existence regulates intricate mysteries.

Canard: That was a bit of tangent wasn’t it? I think we can all agree fact-checkers are unnecessary. The existence of the free market of ideas regulates itself thanks to the presuppositional Logos.

Peterson: Information inspires species-specific opportunities.

Chopra: Existence opens immortal success.

Canard: Are these specific immortal opportunities the same as conning your fans out of their hard-earned cash? Asking for a friend…

*This post was brought to you by I can’t tell if this was a real conversation and the Jordan Peterson and Deepak Chopra quote generators.

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...