Carrizo Springs, Texas – President Trump spent part of Father’s Day visiting a detention camp for migrant children and handing out classic DVDs as presents.
Detention Camp #209, nicknamed Camp Applejack after that brave character from My Little Pony, houses 60 children under the age of 12. Immigration officers caught their families weeks ago. Mom and or Dad are currently in a separate detention camp while their children are housed here for some sadistic reason.
President Trump arrived promptly at 9:15 and greeted the children. He smiled and told them “Everything is going to be alright,” as he passed out slightly used DVDs like Home Alone, An American Tail: Fievel Goes West, and Rambo: First Blood.
Some children received their presents from the commander-in-chief with a sense of disbelief. One little girl asked, “Is this a ticket to get my Mommy back?” President shrugged his shoulders and gave her a complimentary copy of his classic book, The Art of the Deal.
”I don’t want to say everyone working here at Camp Applejack isn’t happy to see the President,” said Camp Commandant Andrew Canard, “it just would’ve been great if he brought a functioning DVD player along, too.”
Sources report the detention center does have one janky DVD player from 1999. The camp’s handyman took it because he found out too late it isn’t a space aged mini-pizza maker. “I thought it made thin crust pizzas,” he stated. “I’m trying to watch my weight.”
On child was thrilled with her edition of Rambo: First Blood. She’d seen the movie before. President Trump asked her why she liked the all American movie. The girl replied, “Rambo exacted his horrible revenge against crooked officials and hillbillies with guns. He is my Mother Theresa.”
Critics of President Trump state this visit was just another photo opportunity FOX News can play over and over again to their gullible and racist viewers. FOX News replied to the charge by saying only some their viewers are gullible and racist. Many of them are simply racist and quite aware of the unfolding tragedy.
I wrote a funny chapter in this otherwise nifty book Not Seeing God: Atheism in the 21st Century