Washington DC – Actor and Trump supporter Scott Baio is the new Secretary of State. Former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was fired on Tuesday. CIA chief Mike Pompeo was hired as the new Secretary only to be fired the same day. “Scott Baio called, and asked if he could have the job. When Scott Baio asks for something you do it,” reports an anonymous White House source.
President Trump went to Twitter to announce the newest hiring.
Former CIA director Mike Pompeo took the firing in stride. “It’s Scott Baio. His performance as Pat the Pig in the 1985 rendition of Alice in Wonderland was spectacular. I can’t think of anyone more suited for Secretary of State.”
Secretary of State Baio is vowing to produce the highest Nielsen ratings ever for the State Department. Associates close to Baio believe plans for remaking the organization includes zombies from The Walking Dead and an all-American family who needs just a little help keeping it all together.
In related news, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un is struggling to keep up with President Trump’s wacky freak show. “We have nothing to match the power of Baio. Nothing,” stated one North Korean source.
Russian President Vladimir Putin is looking forward to watching how Scecretary of State Baio runs the show. When asked if he’s going to be in the live studio audience, President Putin stated he already has a behind the scenes view of everything going on in the White House.
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017
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