Washington DC – President Trump ordered the state of New Mexico to change its name to something less Mexican. The commander-in-chief signed the executive order today giving New Mexicans 30 days to make the change or suffer dire consequences. And dire consequences mean every New Mexican getting deported to Mexico.
Politicians in Santa Fe, New Mexico’s capital, aren’t surprised with this recent move by the mercurial Trump. “After he deported Puerto Ricans to Mexico and attacked the US Virgin Islands, I just assumed we were on the chopping block, too,” sighed Governor Andrew Canard. “To tell you the truth, a lot of us are happy he realizes New Mexico isn’t a part of Mexico.”
New Mexico immediately created an online poll where citizens could suggest a new name for their state. People nominated their favorite three. Voters will pick one in a week. The three are:
- Captain Farts A Lot
- President Trump And Ivanka’s Love Baby
- The Great Cornholio
President Trump’s supporters love the idea their man is sticking to Mexico. “New Mexico is in the United States of America. We can’t have that. Mexico sent us a whole state of rapists and lazy welfare queens who are taking our jobs,” stated one anonymous Trump fan.
The Democratic leadership is counseling its members to keep a cool head. Lawmakers are trying to reach a middle ground with the White House. One suggestion is if New Mexico doesn’t change its name within 30 days, then no one gets deported. However, every New Mexican must go to Texas to spend the summer in a tent city. Critics of the plan state sending people to concentration camps is a crazy and un-American. Supporters of the compromise state the tent cities aren’t concentration camps because they aren’t being called concentration camps.
President Trump is reported to be ecstatic with this new capitulation to his bullying. White House staffers are whispering his next big move will be ordering the New England Patriots to change their name to something less Big Ben and more Cracker Barrel.