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Trump Inc. is selling these lettuce masks for $99.99 each.

Washington DC –  President Donald Trump may have canceled the Republican convention in Jacksonville, Florida as well as donning a facemask, but apparently he wants everyone to know he is still his own man by tweeting this morning All masks matter.

Masks are patriotic. Democrats want to divide is. They want us to believe some masks are better than others. Fake! All masks matter.

Professor Andrew Canard teaches Trumpian Strategy at Miskatonic University. He is not surprised by this move by the commander-in-chief.

“President Trump’s main enemies are democratic institutions. The more chaos and division he creates with racist dog whistles, the better he believes he will do in the upcoming elections.” Professor Canard noted. “While he preaches law and order, his enemy is actually law and order.”

Fans of the President are swarming to the White House online store to buy untraditional masks. Masks made from lettuce, old underwear, oranges, Nutella containers, and sneakers are popular items.

Store owners see more problems arising from this trend. There are already incidents of maskless customers getting into fights with store employees. What will happen when MAGA fans wear lettuce Trump 2020 masks at Walmart?

“Chaos,” Professor Canard quipped. “I suggest online shopping.”

In related news, noted academic Richard Dawkins states “Americans aren’t responsible enough to educate their own children.” 

A shirt and hoodie for our time.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...

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